Regardless of how much you might have ‘worked’ on your marriage, it can still end – and not all of us normal humans can consciously uncouple like Gwyneth Paltrow. Though she might not have communicated it in a relatable way, Ms. Paltrow does have a point. It doesn’t matter how long the marriage was, or who misbehaved, or how either of you handled the situation, this is a hard time for everyone involved. There is something to be said about consciously uncoupling. Perhaps we’re not doing it quite the way Ms. Paltrow would, but we do hope that our guide will help you sort things out and handle your divorce with as little pain as possible:
Realize that this wasn’t a failure
This is easier said than done. Our society places a huge stress on finding the One that when you get married anything less than dying together is considered a failure. Divorce brings about a lot of shame because we often times blame ourselves, “Why can’t we do this?” Well, there are many reasons people get divorced, and believing that getting a divorce equals failing in love/life/marriage/relationships isn’t gonna do you any favors. If back in the day women and men stayed together for companionship, today we want to be inspired by our other half. So we have to accept that separations are unavoidable realities of modern day life.
Now we’re not saying find the most ruthless lawyer and squeeze her dry, because yeah, sometimes the split might be amicable, but regardless, always lawyer up. Hate to say it, but divorce can sometimes bring out the worse in people. And you don’t want to be caught unprepared in this battle.
If you divorce is anything like 99% of other divorces, then both of you share the responsibility of the split equally – whether or not you decided to leave, or she cheated or you both just drifted apart. The most important step to moving on with your life with as little baggage as possible is to forgive yourself and her. There is no way around it, visit a therapist to talk about it if you have to, but this will leave you a more balanced and happier individual.
Get back in the game
It might seem like it’s too soon, but trust us, once the dust settles, go out and have a little fun with your mates. Depending on how young you married and for how long, you might not have flirted for a long time. It might be scary or it might be exhilarating. Either way, a plate cleaner is definitely in order. Perhaps you might want start slow by just hanging with the boys and chatting up a bunch of girls, but either way, don’t hang back. Get back in the game.
Indulge in your bachelor ways
Living with someone also means compromising on your bachelor ways like leaving the seat up, farting to your heart’s content and taking a dump with the door open. Well, now that you’re on your own again, it’s the perfect time to do all these things without repercussions. You can drink milk straight from the carton, leave food in the fridge till a new species grows out of it and have your friends over for poker night and not have to worry about her winging about cigar smoke stinking up the home.
Know that you’ll find happiness again
And finally, no matter how bad you might be feeling now, know that you will find happiness again. You will heal, you will feel whole, you will laugh and find things funny and you will find someone else who will mean the world to you. Just hang in there. This too shall pass.